My optimistic return

So, I haven't posted in a really long time. And I sort of accepted that my blogging days were over, just given the complete lack of time that I have to do anything aside from school work, regular work... and sleeping. However, I really missed it, so I think I'm going to start it up again.

Yesterday's election was really what inspired me to return to the blogosphere. (I can't believe I actually just used that word.)

I am upset about Bloomberg winning and I'm upset about Christie winning. Bloomberg's abuse of the system to gain a third term is inexcusable and Christie stands opposite my views on almost every issue there is. But, more disappointing than that was hearing that Maine residents voted to reject a law to legalize same-sex marriage. Had they voted to keep it, it would have been the first time gay marriage triumphed due to a popular vote. But alas, we lost and the law legalizing same-sex marriage was rejected.

So, clearly, I'm upset and I'm angry. The culmination of all these setbacks are really frustrating and disheartening. I didn't think it could get any worse than Prop 8 and the disgusting fear-mongering tactics used by the defend marriage campaign. But yesterday's vote just added to the setbacks from last years election.

However, despite the fact that I'm upset and disappointed, I think it's really important to note that although the media is focusing on this loss as a huge loss for the GLBT movement, I would disagree. Marriage is but ONE goal of the gay liberation movement, at least for me. Although the media rarely reports on victories unrelated to marriage or hate-crimes laws (which are of course, really important)... that doesn't mean there aren't any.

This movement, although moving forward, is undoubtedly going to be met with opposition. And because of that opposition, we are going to have our setbacks. But what's important is to focus on the victories... and within the past few weeks, there have been a few.

1. First of all, the Ricketts family is now the owner of the MLB Cubs. This is important because Laura Ricketts, one of the owners is openly gay. She has served on the board of Lambda Legal (which fights for gay marriage) and has been very open about her sexuality. Professional sports are infamously known for being extremely homophobic so I think this is a tremendous step in awareness and hopefully, inclusion.

2. Secondly, there was another victory in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. The openly gay mayoral candidate, Mark Kleinschmidt won the election and has become the third openly gay mayor in the state. I had no idea (previous to reading about Kleinschmitd) that there had been any other gay mayors in North Carolina, so all in all, this was a pleasant surprise.

3. In Kalamazoo, Michigan, an anti-discrimination law was passed to protect the LGBT community. Gender identity and sexual orientation were added to the 1866 anti-discrimination ordinance.

4. And let us not forget, the greatest victory of all - the passing of the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act signed into law by Obama on October 28th. What's most important is that this bill was introduced EIGHT years ago. It has failed over and over and over again until this year. To add to the victory, Obama has designated 5 million dollars to the Justice Department to help investigate hate crimes.


So, yes, yesterday's vote in Maine was a huge upset. As are all of the losses. But for every loss, it's really important that we consider the victories, however small they may be.

One step back... many steps forward.

A review of the past month

Holy crap.

I've been extraordinarily busy since returning from Amsterdam over a month ago.

I've sat down multiple times to write a blog entry over the past five weeks and each time been interrupted by something. Then, when I finally have time to return to the previously begun entries, they are all significantly outdated.

So, this is take three.

One of the reasons I've been so busy lately is because of my new job at Fire & Ice. Christian helped me get the job after I decided the last thing I wanted to do was return to the Cheesecake Factory and I'm happy to say, I definitely made the right decision. It's relaxed, I don't dread going to work, and I like about 93% of the people that work there. And, what's even better is that I get to work with Christian and now.... (drum roll) Dana! Basically, my only two close friends at home... and they work with me. Pretty legit.

Despite my recent business, I've been having a lot of fun. I've accomplished some summer goals thus far which include going to a Mets game, climbing a mountain and going to the Bronx zoo. The beach and other activities are still to come.

At the end of June I went to the Insub fest. I'm really, really happy that I went especially since I was considering not going at one point. It was great to see a bunch of people I really like that I never really get to see. Of course... it wasn't all perfect. Our first night arriving in Baltimore and... Michael Jackson died.

That, to me, and sure to the rest of the world... was shocking. And pretty much still is. I remember Micah and I got our first Sony Walkman when we were kids and Micah's first tape was Thriller. I have no idea what mine was, probably because it was significantly less cool and because I was always jealous that Micah had Thriller. Anyway, I don't have many memories from my childhood but one I won't ever forget is Micah, in his high pitched prepubescent voice singing "mama se, mama sa, mama coo sa" over and over and over again next to me in the backseat. I didn't even really know who Michael Jackson was, aside from the fact that for some reason, I knew he was really awesome. Anyway, I've probably thought about Michael Jackson every day since he's died (I'm sure partly because of all the media coverage), but still... He redefined talent. He raised the bar so significantly that I really, truly believe that no one will ever top his brilliance or his fame.

The second bit of bad news? My camera broke while I was in Baltimore. It still takes pictures, I think... but the display screen is all screwed up and only shows this grey blurry... blur. It sucks. So I'm debating whether or not to repair the old one... or get a new one. I'm leaning towards getting a new one... but the one I want is about 900 bucks. I could do the Best Buy 24 dollars a month thing if I get approved, which I probably would... and yeah, I really want to do it.

We'll see.

Oh, and on Tuesday I'm going to Colorado with my dad. So excited. White water rafting, horseback riding, and other outdoorsy activities... so awesome.

Alright, I'm starving. And then I have to go to the gym.

Two days left.

In a recent mothers day letter, I wrote to my mom that the greatest lesson she (and my dad) had ever taught me was to "be where you are you." If you are wishing you were someplace else, or unhappy with where you are (either physically or emotionally), there's normally nothing you can do about it. You're stuck in a place that you'd rather not be in - but you can't help it. The best thing I've learned, is that no matter what and no matter how unhappy you may be, the best thing to do is just... accept it.

When I first came to Amsterdam, I was horrified. Not about the city itself (I'd been to Europe enough for it not to freak me out) but mostly horrified at the thought of missing things. Missing friends, Christian, my family... I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get my mind off of the things I missed and therefore, wouldn't be able to enjoy my time here as much as I'd wanted. Well, the truth is, I thought about those things every single day. I missed them... and I couldn't make that disappear.

BUT...

I learned to just accept it.

I was somehow able to accept the fact that there were things I missed, people I wanted to see and things I wanted to do... and still take full advantage of my 8 months here.

I traveled to 7 cities in the Netherlands aside from Amsterdam - Gouda, Rotterdam, Schiermonnikoog, Gronigen, Den Haag, Utrecht & Leiden. I went to Berlin, Antwerp, Brugge, Paris, Barcelona, Prague, Copenhagen and Malmo. And each and every one of them was AMAZING.

I got straight As in every single one of my classes last semester (and probably will this semester as well) while simultaneously traveling to 15 cities (7 countries) and exploring Amsterdam pretty damn thoroughly.

Despite my "success"... it's also probably important to say that it was really hard. I can't say I accomplished every single thing I wanted to. I think that had I gotten out of bed those few times or went out those nights I decided to stay in, I could have done more. But, I needed that time alone and I think it helped me to balance everything. I've never lived in such a demanding or "stimulating" environment and I am fine with having sacrificed a little exploration for some alone time. Either way, I think I did pretty damn well.

And I survived. Both physically and emotionally and am going back to America in one piece.

I am going to miss a lot of things about Amsterdam. I honestly believe that this city is THE prettiest on earth. Especially at this time of year. The light doesn't leave the sky entirely until at least 11pm and the light reappears at 4am. That's only 5 hours of night. And it's amazing. The days feel incredibly long (because they are) and the weather has been magnificent. On top of it being the prettiest city it's also the most practical. At least for me. From the social policies to the size of the grocery store, everything just makes sense. (Okay, the only thing that doesn't make sense are the no free tap water rules and no refill rules) but other than that, everything else just... works. The bikes, the city structure (canals), the quaintness of everything... I am really, really going to miss it.

But I know that my life will be in America. I learned an unimaginable amount of things here and I will bring those things back with me. I always knew Amsterdam wasn't permanent and although I prolonged it as much as I could, I am ready to go home. And I don't feel bad about saying that because I know I did as much as I could to take advantage of this experience.

I had an absolutely amazing time in Amsterdam. I met some amazing people, some terrible people and had so many unforgettable experiences... both good and bad. I definitely made some mistakes, but it was all worth it. Because I'm happy now. And I know what I want.

And now, with only two days left in this city... I am going OUT. It sickens me to know that there are people here that aren't taking full advantage of their last days... shame on them. Especially with the beautiful weather, there are no excuses.

Is it for real?

I wonder if this is what it will take to finally give the auto industry a makeover. Somehow, however, I still feel like we're capable of making the same mistakes twice. I just hope our president and the auto industry keep their word.

America, once again... you fail.

I read an article last semester in my Sexuality from Cross Cultural Perspectives class called "Raging Hormones, Regulated Love: Adolescent Sexuality and the Constitution of the modern individual in the United States and the Netherlands." And I have to say, it was one of the most fascinating articles I'd ever, ever read.

Since I would eventually like to work (somehow) in sexual education in America, seeing how other countries deal with teen sexuality (especially when it seems successful) is extremely useful knowledge.

The article was about how teen sexuality is viewed and dealt with in both American and the Netherlands and, not surprisingly, there are many, many differences.

Just to give you a few examples -

"The American parents describe adolescent sexuality as a biologically driven, individually based activity which causes disruption to the teenager as well as to the family. The Dutch parents, by contrast, emphasize the love relationships and social responsibility of teenagers which make their sexuality a 'normal' phenomenon."

"Researchers have argued that the cultural climate and the nature of adult attitudes towards adolescent sexuality affect the likelihood that teenagers will use contraceptives effectively... 'a more permissive attitude leads to more effective contraceptive use.'"

"The dissociation of teenage sexuality from contexts of love and commitment explains why American parents often refer to teenage sexual activity as experimental, promiscuous, immoral or exclusively pleasure-driven. It is not uncommon, in fact, for parents to mention teenage sex in the same breath as drugs, excessive drinking or vandalism."

"The Dutch parents do not regard sex as inherently risky because they expect their children will use contraceptives to protect themselves against unwanted consequences... Asked in their 16-year-old is old enough to drink, parents usually respond 'yes, in moderation', implying that a 16-year-old is capable of self-imposed moderation."

"The Dutch and American parents whom I interviewed construct sexuality on the basis of the cultural building blocks available to them. That one set of parents emphasizes sex's biological properties whereas the other set emphasizes sex's social properties depends, I argue, on the images of human nature which their cultures provide."

So, in summary... American parents generally expect their children to behave inappropriately - they expect that their children will be immature, irresponsible and not aware enough to make responsible decisions concerning sex or other aspects of adolescence such as drug and/or alcohol experimentation. On the other hand, the Dutch parents take part in a much more hands off approach - assuming their children are ready and able to enter into adolescence responsibly. Because, as the author explained, the parents act according to the culture in which they are in... we can also see these techniques replicated in schools.

In America, children are taught the horrors of sex, drugs and alcohol. Every one of those things, without question leads to death, unhappiness or... death. However, in Dutch schools, the approach is a lot different. Children are taught to regard sex as something that if handled appropriately, can be something positive. Same with drugs and alcohol.

So, what you ask, is the outcome of these different parenting/schooling techniques? In my opinion, the outcomes are astonishing. (This is based on a study conducted about 10 years ago.) Per 1000 women, aged 15-19, the teen birth rate in American is 55.6. In the Netherlands, the teen birth rate is 7.7. At the time that this study was done, America was highest on the list, and the Netherlands was lowest. (I think the Netherlands has since dropped to second on the list due to an influx of non-Western immigrants, many of them unwilling to utilize contraceptives.) Still, the results are pretty telling. Additionally, the statistics for alcohol and drug abuse follow extremely similar patterns. I believe the Netherlands has the lowest percentage of drug abuse, even though soft drugs are legal and hard drugs are given to addicts by the government if they can prove they are really, truly addicted. (An effort to try and keep junkies off the street.)

In my opinion, the statistics have a direct correlation to the ways children are treated during their adolescence.

To further prove my point, I want all of you to watch this video about a movie coming out soon called "Oral Sex is the New Goodnight Kiss." It is about how American teens are taking part in more oral sex than ever before and some are even taking part in mild forms of prostitution. For example, some girl explains that she was offered 20 dollars to take her shirt off.


Teens: Oral Sex and Casual Prostitution No Biggie - ABC News


First of all, let me just say... I understand that teen sex and teen pregnancy is a serious problem in the United States. My motivation for writing this blog entry is not to say America sucks, the Netherlands rules (although okay yes, I think that's true)... my point is to show the REASONS for why America has failed so entirely at dealing with sex, especially when it comes to children.

However, watching this little clip infuriated me.

First of all, the description of the movie as "A troubling window into a horrifying reality no parent can imagine," is absurd. Yes, I understand parents are freaked out by incidences of teen sex/oral sex but a horrifying reality no parent can imagine? Your child could be cutting themselves, drinking themselves to death, robbing people, raping someone, you name it... and you are calling a little dick sucking "a horrible reality"? Really? Sure, children feel socially pressured and sure, many of them make decisions they later regret. But defining oral sex so broadly as a horrifying reality just seems a little counterproductive.

Secondly, this comment is completely useless - "A lot of girls are disappointed in love and I think they believe that they can hook up the ways guys do and not care but unfortunately they do care." What?? First of all, a guy paying a girl to take her shirt off is just as misguided as the girl willing to accept the offer. Secondly, this comment is entirely based on wishy washy social crap. Who says girls are generally disappointed in love? And why are we constantly telling them that they can't have casual sex like guys can? That statement isn't true and it's constant repetition is harmful at best. If we tell girls they can't take part in casual sex, or that they will constantly be hurt by men... I would think that girls, unknowing of any other opinions, will pick men that will take advantage of them and hurt their feelings. How are girls supposed to have a positive outlook about love and relationships if all they are ever being told is that men will abuse and take advantage of them? What upsets me most about this comment is that it's sets girls up for receiving the blame. Girls think they can behave like guys, so they do, and then they get hurt. Telling girls to stop going after guys because they are unable to handle the pressures reminds of how women are often blamed for rape. No, I'm sorry... but those things are just not their fault. I think the one thing we must blame in this case is culture. American culture and society places the blame on women and expects them to be unable to handle themselves properly.

Finally, this quote - "You have to parent double time." I think it's pretty obvious how I feel about that. If by parenting double time she meant instilling more trust and hope in children and assuming they are mature enough to handle adolescence, then fine. But I am pretty sure she meant - trust your kids less, blame them for their assumed ineptitude and try your best to find the ways in which they are failing. As I think I've proven, that DOES NOT WORK.

This movie, along with so many other attempts at bringing awareness about teen sexuality to the public, are in my opinion... pointless. Actually, no, not pointless... harmful.

America, how obvious is it that we're failing? Our teenage pregnancy and abortion rates are extraordinarily high, in addition to our teen drug/alcohol abuse rates. Clearly, whatever it is we're doing, it's not working. In fact, I think it's getting worse. But of course, America is a pompous, individualistic nation incapable of searching for answers elsewhere. A quick look at the Netherlands would provide America with a great deal of useful knowledge on how to improve the climate of teenage sexuality. But somehow, I don't think anyones going to do that any time soon.

On with the fear tactics and degradation!!

I guess I shouldn't still be shocked... but I am.

Shame on all of you discriminatory, homophobic, selfish, fear mongering, WEAK people for supporting to uphold a bill based on pure prejudice and hatred.

I wasn't alive during the civil rights movement, but I can imagine what that must have felt like. To be hated, feared and blamed for NOTHING. I am thankful to know that we have moved past that (for the most part)) and we can look back at those racist, horrible people and laugh at their stupidity and feel okay disrespecting them for their discrimination and the great, great harm and hurt they caused so many people. I cannot wait to look back at all of these homophobic fools once we've achieved victory (and there are so many victories we have yet to achieve). I cannot WAIT to look back and know they lost and laugh in their faces.

Go to PROTECT MARRIAGE DOT COM. and take a good look at the people who will eventually be proven dead, dead wrong. I cannot wait to see the unsuspecting fear and shame on their faces. I hope their children, grand children and great grand children give them the hell they deserve.

This country, as fucked up as it can be, WILL move through this. I know that. But shit, the extent to which I just want to lock all these people up in the stupidity and selfish jail is extraordinary. But I suppose responding to stupidity with stupidity isn't the greatest of solutions.

Amazing

Rahm Emanuel speaks at Sarah Lawrence's 2009 commencement ceremony -

WATCH!!!