So, I've been home in NY for a little over a month and this afternoon I am leaving for Amsterdam once again.

After coming back from there a month ago, everything seemed so familiar and normal back home that Amsterdam and all the people I met there felt like a dream. But now that I'm going back, it makes it a lot less dream-like. Which I guess is good?

Oddly enough, I feel a lot more nervous going to Amsterdam this time than I did the last time. Last time I had no idea what to expect, so I didn't really have anything to be nervous about. But this time, I am afraid that I won't be as infiltrated in the "group" as I was before. Group meaning CIEE. There were 40 students last semester and there are 60 this year. Some of them were placed in housing further away than anyone was last semester. (I feel bad for them. Location seems to make or break peoples experience in Amsterdam.) Not only are people more spread out around the city, but because I have already been there and because I won't be able to or won't want to participate in all of the orientation activities, I feel like I'll be a lot more isolated. I don't actually think I'll make no friends - but I doubt I'll find three awesome CIEE people who live next door to me, like I did last time. I guess I just have to accept that it will be different... but that's easier said than done. Worse comes to worse, I love the city... even if I'm alone in it.

I'm a little nervous about classes but not too much. I made it through last time... I guess I can do it again. The classes I'm taking are -
1. Moving Manhood (A class about masculinity and how it's perceived around the world.)
2. The Meaning of Having Children in Different Cultures (Pretty self-explanatory.)
3. Religion and/as Media (Not quite sure what this class will be like... but it seems awesome.)
4. Beginning Dutch (Skipped out on it last semester - if it weren't for this class, I would only have class Monday-Wednesday like last semester... but I have to at least try to learn Dutch, even if it's only offered on Thursdays.)

In terms of school, I'm really really glad I chose to go to Amsterdam and chose to stay there for the whole year. They offer so many more classes than Sarah Lawrence does in terms of what I want to study - Gender/Sexuality. So as crappy as it is to be away from people and miss them - academically, Amsterdam was definitely the right choice.

Speaking of which, given that after this year I'll only have one more year of college... I have begun to casually contemplate my future and how it relates to what I've spent my life doing during these past years. I have no idea (well, I have a couple ideas) about how I would do what I want to do but, I want to somehow severely alter the content and teaching techniques of sexual education in America, beginning in elementary school. Hopefully next fall I can get some kind of internship that will hopefully give me more insight into how I could eventually attempt to do what I want to do. And then how to tackle my desire of still wanting to pursue both acting and the band... and trying to hopefully find some way to tie them all in.

Anyway, enough about that.

My goals for this semester in Amsterdam are -
1. Be more confident that things will eventually work themselves out.
2. Eat significantly healthier than I have in a long time and go to the gym as much as possible. I always used to deny that eating healthy and going to the gym actually made me feel "better" and "happier"... but I really miss it. (My triumph over unhealthy foods will be quite difficult, I imagine... but I'll do it... hopefully.)
3. Get a job? I hope so.
4. I'll be ready to go home. Although that's not so much a goal - I already know I'll be ready to come home.
5. Writing music -- shut up Christian.
6. Eat an incredible amount of pumpkin soup from soup en zo.

Okay, next post will come from Nederland. Weird.