Happenings.

Well! Week 2 has come to an end and was substantially more enjoyable than week 1.

First of all, I had all of my classes aside from one - but that one doesn't begin until March 30th. Anyway, I like them all so far.

Dutch -- Bonny. So... you know it will be good. Haha. No, but I think I'll be ok at it. I had my doubts at first but I think I can handle memorizing vocab... maybe.

Religion and/as Media -- The teacher for this class is new, I think. Or relatively new. She's really soft spoken and sweet. Anyway, the class is totally about what I'm interested in and I'm really happy to be taking another religion class.

Moving Manhood -- Yeah, so this class is basically perfect for me. It's about masculinity in general but like all classes here, you can always kind of turn the class into what you want it to be by choosing what to write about each week and for the final paper. So, I will most likely focus on homosexuality and masculinity which is basically one of three top things I'm interested in studying, so it's awesome. The teacher seems great too - and I think he might be the boyfriend/partner of my sexuality teacher last semester. Which, if true, would be awesome.

The Meaning of Having Children in Cultural Perspectives -- (This class hasn't started yet.) Although I took it because I one day want to work with schools and their sexual education/general policies on dealing with kids from non-traditional families and/or kids that feel they might be gay, transgender, etc. So I'm hoping I can focus predominantly on that in the class.

Lets see... Oh, so the gym has been going well I guess. Haven't seen many results yet but I know it's only been 2 weeks. I found something that I love though. It's called the cardio wave and I just found the most hilariously cheesy video about it so I have to post it --



Haha. But yeah... I was super close to breaking every elliptical trainer that existed because I was so sick of it. So I'm quite happy to have found something else to do.

Oh and I also created a flickr page. I never really had anywhere to put my photography and I think partly for that reason, I stopped doing it a lot. But I love it. And always have. And I really want to invest in some lenses and stuff because I think I have a pretty Ok camera that would be even better with some accessories. Anyway, here's the link - http://www.flickr.com/photos/anyakaats/

So, overall... I'm excited for this semester. I'm especially excited for it to get warm out. All I want to do is go to parks/tulip fields and take pictures. And I'm also excited because I finally met some people I really like. So that's always uplifting.

Well, I guess it's time for my weekly dose of vanity in the form of daily photobooth pictures. Haha.

WEEK TWO

something beautiful.

paris in the fall.

one week down.

So, I've been here a week. Longest week of my life.

Still have gotten (nearly) nowhere in the socializing/friends department. But I'm less concerned about it than I was. There are definitely a few people I like and hopefully when I get more settled (and figure out a better going to the gym schedule that doesn't cut into other social activities) things will work themselves out.

Speaking of the gym - I have such a love/hate relationship with exercising. I think everyone does though. I mean... I hate it. It's an awful feeling to be sweaty and not be able to catch your breath. Of course, the after effects feel great but that's about it. I also think it's impossible for me to go to the gym in the morning because I don't feel fully awake until I take a shower and there's no point in taking a shower before going to the gym so I end up going at night. Which is ok, I guess... but tonight I could have made dinner with some people but knew I had to go to the gym so I did that instead. I need to not go to the gym at 8:00pm anymore, at least.

Even harder than the working out thing, though is eating well. It's not the foods themselves that are the problems... I generally like a lot of food that's healthy but it's the portions. The one thing I have a problem with is overeating. Especially salty foods. I could eat an entire bag of chips without thinking twice... after I've already eaten a full meal. So that's the kind of thing I really can't do anymore obviously and it's really, really hard to stop and/or find an alternative. I suppose maybe after a while my body will get used to not consuming that much crap but right now I'm really, really struggling with it. I haven't slipped or anything but it's requiring a ton of will power. Anyway, I want to lose 15 or so pounds because I gained that much in the past year and a half and I'd like to not look like a flabby rhino. Ha.

Anyway, had my first class today - Dutch. Not really all that exciting because Bonny teaches it and I pretty much knew what it was going to be like. But... we'll have to see how the whole memorization/tests/studying thing goes because I am completely horrible at all three of those things. Write a 20 page paper? Fine. Take a vocab test? Forget about it. Either way - I'm glad I'm taking it and hopefully I won't crash and burn.

OH and it's been a week so here is the beginning of daily pictures. I don't really know why I'm doing this - it's a little strange but I think it will be interesting when I have 4 months worth.

WEEK ONE

Bye, folks!

I'm completely unsure of... everything.

I promised myself I wouldn't update this until I got settled in here again and started classes. But, here we are. I obviously have no will power in this area.

First of all, I am still very much in love with this city.

However, being a second-semester student here surrounded by a bunch of new people has so far been awkward, disheartening and confusing. Perhaps my memory is wrong, but last semester I remember clicking with people instantly and instantly feeling like I wouldn't have a hard time making friends. This semester, not so much. Partly, I think this is because the 3 other full year students and I don't really fit anywhere. We're comfortable in the city but all of our friends have left so in a way we're all new again and looking for new people and new experiences. Plus, we are unavoidably comparing everyone that's new this semester to the people we got close with last semester. (Maybe I shouldn't be talking for everyone... but I'm pretty positive from what I've heard that we all feel the same way.) So, we're kinda new but kinda not. Plus, all of the orientation activities aren't required of us - nor is it necessary for us to go to nearly any of them. So I've been showing up at some things but not others... and someone who disappears for the majority of the day and only shows up once if at all per day isn't someone that anyone is really going to remember. On top of which, we're kind of being treated as "leaders" by our program staff... which isn't something any of us really signed up for. I'm happy of course to help out everyone that's new but not on this awkward last minute/we're not really needed basis.

I don't know why I'm surprised at how different this semester is so far - I knew it would be different. I guess I just didn't know in what ways.

I'm trying to stay positive and just believe that everything will eventually work itself out and I will find different things to focus on - things that weren't available to me last semester. For instance, a job. I might become a tour guide. I went on one of the tours today and I have really mixed feelings. First of all, it was fucking freezing. Second of all, although it was good, I know my tour wouldn't be anything like the tour I went on today, because obviously I have my own style and personality. I'm just hoping that I'm good enough to do something like that. Thirdly, it seems like a lot of work - there is a script you work off of but its kind of up to you to add info and do your own research. And lastly... (well, the major tour I'd be working) is a free tour. Which means I'd be working off of tips. So obviously, there are very good days but also very bad days. I'm just wondering if I want to put in all this effort to work a couple days a week and possibly make no money sometimes. Overall, though... I DO want to make money and maybe I should do this even though it seems like a challenge. We'll see... I'll make a decision tomorrow or the next day.

Anyway, I'm anxious (to say the least) about the upcoming semester. I'm excited now to start classes (although I just learned there may be a slight problem with one of them and I may not be able to take it... which is really unfortunate) and get things going so that I have something to focus on. Plus, although it's been hard because I've been especially busy and exhausted I am planning on going to the gym at least 5 times a week. (I can get free personal training! How awesome is that?!) Hopefully even if I don't make an army of friends I'll have enough things to do to keep me busy.

Okay... so I feel like I'm acting a lot more hopeful than I actually am. To be honest, I'm pretty terrified of having a terrible time. I don't know how I met such amazing people last semester and I'm worried that it won't happen again. I'm such a nervous wreck about wanting things to work themselves out... it's just so easy to expect the worst and really hard to just expect things will get better.

Anyway, today was a really rough day. Especially since it started with me having the really awesome idea of taking a multi-vitamin, a vitamin-c vitamin, a birth control pill and airborne all on an empty stomach and then scarfing down a banana. I threw up about 5 minutes later then immediately had to leave to go spend 4 hours walking around Amsterdam in the freezing cold. So, I was going to go out tonight and try to be social again but I'm just way too exhausted and equally unenthusiastic to do anything or go anywhere.

Okay, enough with this complaining.

Oh, and PS - Christian convinced me to take one picture of myself, per every day that I'm here and post them weekly. So, get ready for that... which will begin on Tuesday. Ha.

So, I've been home in NY for a little over a month and this afternoon I am leaving for Amsterdam once again.

After coming back from there a month ago, everything seemed so familiar and normal back home that Amsterdam and all the people I met there felt like a dream. But now that I'm going back, it makes it a lot less dream-like. Which I guess is good?

Oddly enough, I feel a lot more nervous going to Amsterdam this time than I did the last time. Last time I had no idea what to expect, so I didn't really have anything to be nervous about. But this time, I am afraid that I won't be as infiltrated in the "group" as I was before. Group meaning CIEE. There were 40 students last semester and there are 60 this year. Some of them were placed in housing further away than anyone was last semester. (I feel bad for them. Location seems to make or break peoples experience in Amsterdam.) Not only are people more spread out around the city, but because I have already been there and because I won't be able to or won't want to participate in all of the orientation activities, I feel like I'll be a lot more isolated. I don't actually think I'll make no friends - but I doubt I'll find three awesome CIEE people who live next door to me, like I did last time. I guess I just have to accept that it will be different... but that's easier said than done. Worse comes to worse, I love the city... even if I'm alone in it.

I'm a little nervous about classes but not too much. I made it through last time... I guess I can do it again. The classes I'm taking are -
1. Moving Manhood (A class about masculinity and how it's perceived around the world.)
2. The Meaning of Having Children in Different Cultures (Pretty self-explanatory.)
3. Religion and/as Media (Not quite sure what this class will be like... but it seems awesome.)
4. Beginning Dutch (Skipped out on it last semester - if it weren't for this class, I would only have class Monday-Wednesday like last semester... but I have to at least try to learn Dutch, even if it's only offered on Thursdays.)

In terms of school, I'm really really glad I chose to go to Amsterdam and chose to stay there for the whole year. They offer so many more classes than Sarah Lawrence does in terms of what I want to study - Gender/Sexuality. So as crappy as it is to be away from people and miss them - academically, Amsterdam was definitely the right choice.

Speaking of which, given that after this year I'll only have one more year of college... I have begun to casually contemplate my future and how it relates to what I've spent my life doing during these past years. I have no idea (well, I have a couple ideas) about how I would do what I want to do but, I want to somehow severely alter the content and teaching techniques of sexual education in America, beginning in elementary school. Hopefully next fall I can get some kind of internship that will hopefully give me more insight into how I could eventually attempt to do what I want to do. And then how to tackle my desire of still wanting to pursue both acting and the band... and trying to hopefully find some way to tie them all in.

Anyway, enough about that.

My goals for this semester in Amsterdam are -
1. Be more confident that things will eventually work themselves out.
2. Eat significantly healthier than I have in a long time and go to the gym as much as possible. I always used to deny that eating healthy and going to the gym actually made me feel "better" and "happier"... but I really miss it. (My triumph over unhealthy foods will be quite difficult, I imagine... but I'll do it... hopefully.)
3. Get a job? I hope so.
4. I'll be ready to go home. Although that's not so much a goal - I already know I'll be ready to come home.
5. Writing music -- shut up Christian.
6. Eat an incredible amount of pumpkin soup from soup en zo.

Okay, next post will come from Nederland. Weird.

Sorry America, but you haven't gotten it right yet...

I continue to find it absolutely shocking that FOX news airs complete bullshit -

http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/330471/7e3dccdb/foxnews_over_onze_coffeeshops.html

C'mon, FOX news... I know you're a politically right-wing, biased, shitty news station but at least have the decency to provide your nearly 90 million international viewers with correct information. Bill O'Reilly... fine. He's an idiot. But a corporation such as the Fox Entertainment Group should pay better attention to the crap piping into millions of households.

To provide clarity to this "Amsterdam is a mess" business.

Yes, in the recent past the CDA (Christian Democrat Appeal) that has held the majority of seats in Dutch parliment for quite a few years is beginning to make a push toward conservatism. Now, keep in mind... the CDA is less religious and less conservative that the Democratic Party in the United States. Even though they are the most conservative party in power... they would never use the word "God" in a speech and they deny using the bible for grounds on which to govern. Instead, they say they use the bible for "inspiration." But regardless... yes, they have recently been making a move toward conservatism. Which by the way, is mostly looked down upon by many Dutch citizens, particularly those living in large cities, such as Amsterdam, Rotterdam, Den Haag, etc.

What has changed? Well, on December 1st... shrooms were outlawed. Why? Because of numerous deadly accidents that have occured with tourists. (For example, a french girl ate mushrooms and drank alcohol and proceeded to jump off a bridge into the canal. Again - this was a tourist.) However, despite the fact that mushrooms were outlawed because of accidents with tourists... you can still buy them. The Dutch police aren't even cracking down and hand written signs are being posted on smartshops saying "We still have mushrooms left!" Why? Because for the most part... mushrooms don't cause a problem. And the Dutch police know it. How many deaths are related to drunk driving in America? And drunk driving on behalf of underage kids in America? Far, far more than the accidents and deaths that have been caused by mushrooms and I don't see alcohol being outlawed in the US anytime soon.

Secondly, throughout the past couple years a few of the red light district windows and brothels have been shut down to house fashion stores. New fashion designers are given a place in the red light district to rent for very cheap and the theory is within a year, they will be famous enough to open up their own shops the following year and new designer will replace their red light district spot. Guess what? It hasn't worked at all. No one goes in to the stores and the majority of Dutch citizens believe the whole fashion thing is foolish and ridiculous. Because it failed so miserably over the past year... it may not continue.

Thirdly, 43 coffeeshops in Amsterdam are intended to close by 2011, including some really famous, touristy shops. Why? Not because coffeeshops are run by drug lords but because the CDA decided any coffeeshops within a certain distance from high schools should not be able to function. This of course, is ridiculous. First of all... the coffeeshop business is supported by tourism, not Dutch high school students. In fact, the majority of Dutch people do not smoke weed and if they do... it's quite rare. About 99% of the Dutch people I have met do not smoke weed. Plus, even if the high school students wanted to smoke weed... its not like they couldn't walk another block or two to pick some up. Insane.

Anyway... I am assuming these are the 3 changes that Bill O'Reilly and his highly educated blonde bombshell newscasters are referring to. So, no, I'm sorry but Amsterdam isn't a "mess" and drug addicts nor criminals have anything to do with it. In fact, it's the "inspired" morality of the CDA itching to push Holland toward conservatism.

My opinion? It isn't going to work. This is going to be a phase that will soon turn around. Yes, in terms of laws, The Netherlands is one of the most liberal countries in the world. But unfortunately... socially they aren't the same. There is a huge conservative and Christian community living outside of the major cities and although their percentage is small, at least compared the religious population in the Netherlands, their influence is not invisible. But, the Dutch are known for their tolerance. "Gedogen." Not their acceptance. The Dutch people are extraordinarily passive and tolerant when it comes to these issues and I think that mentality will win over everything else. It has in the past.

Oh and one more thing... to quote one of those blonde girls -

"The Dutch have wonderfully naive ideas about teaching their children to have safe sex and smoke grass."

That MAY be the most ill-informed statement I have EVER heard. (Probably not... but it's at least in the top 10.) First of all, The Netherlands has a much lower teen pregnancy and abortion rate than America, among other countries. And American teenagers are proven to lose their virginity much sooner than Dutch teenagers. In fact... The Netherlands has the THE LOWEST teen pregnancy rate in the world. (5 in 1,000 teenage girls) as opposed to America which has THE HIGHEST teen pregnancy rate in the world (53 in 1,000 teenage girls). So yeah, I guess The Netherlands has got it wrong. I suppose their low teen pregnancy rate is a result of their "naive" ideas. Secondly... as I stated above, the majority of Dutch people, both young and old, don't smoke weed. Again, that industry is supported primarily by tourism. Much of which is American tourism, thank you very much.


To sum things up... I am not at all happy to be returning to my wonderful country of Bill O'Reilly and FOX news. I am genuinely concerned about how I will feel when I am not indoors and with my family, Christian or Dana... or someone I like. Venturing off into the great unknown of say, the wonderfully American Palisades center is not something I'm looking forward to.

5 days and counting

So, as you can probably discern from the title... I am leaving Amsterdam in 5 days. It's a strange feeling. Mostly, I am excited to leave and see everyone at home. I'm not as sad about leaving Amsterdam because I know I'll be back. It's strange to know, though that when I do come back, close to no one I know will be here and I'll have to make an entirely new set of friends. But I guess I will deal with that when I have to.

These last 5 days are pretty weird. I have completed all my school work... but I still have two classes left and a bunch of logistical things to do. So when I'm not running around the city renewing my bike contract or signing my residence permit extension... I basically have nothing to do. Most everyone is still working on their papers and I end up sitting in my room feeling anxious and wanting to go home. Plus, my friend Sam already left and people are slowly leaving one by one... it's a strange feeling to still be here when other people are not.

I think I am going to take my friend Alex's extra bed in her room and attach it alongside mine so that I can have a big queen size bed. Not like I need a big bed... but who cares. Why not, right? Maybe it will convince Christian to come visit. Haha.

I think I am also going to buy a tapestry and maybe some Christmas-like lights and go crazy decorating. Just to give me something to do with all this time I'm wasting by sitting around like a lump. I can't decide whether or not I should go to IKEA to buy an extra comforter cover to match the one I already have and put it on my extra comforter... or whether I should just use someone else's that they bought here and having an odd two-toned bed. Ok, it's pathetic that I'm writing about this. Haha. But seriously... maybe I should go to IKEA tomorrow. Hmm.

Oh and I decided, over everything else, why I love the Netherlands so much more than America. America is governed by morality. The Netherlands is governed by practicality. Plain and simple - that's the main (huge) difference. The Netherlands is NOT as liberal as many people think it is. In fact, aside from Amsterdam, most of it ISN'T very liberal. There is a huge bible belt and lots of crazy, conservative Christians. But still, people don't govern with their religion or morality. In fact, that is incredibly looked down upon here. No politician (even from the CDA, the Christian Democratic Appeal whose politics are actually more liberal than much of the American democratic party) would use "God" in a speech or ever use religion as a reason to change a law. The CDA has held the most seats in Dutch parliament for years. They have the word "Christian" in their name and are still considered to be conservative for the Netherlands... but STILL somehow are more liberal than the American Democratic Party. Sure, they will openly say they use the Bible as "inspiration" but that's about as far as they go. Dutch people are shocked to learn that all of our presidents say "God bless America" and publicly announce their faith.


Anyway... to change the subject. At the beginning of the semester we wrote down goals that we hoped to accomplish by the time we leave. In fearing that I would be absolutely miserable here and want to go home, one of my goals was "Not wanting to go home at the end of the semester." Well... haha, I guess I accomplished that cause I'm staying the entire year. Who woulda known.

As excited as I am to go home for the holidays... I'm a bit nervous about returning to the US in general. Reverse culture shock = not fun. I think that's why I originally decided all I wanted to do was stay inside all month. Haha. But now I know I am going to have to go back to work at the Cheesecake factory, which means I have to constantly go to the Palisades mall, which to me, is the epitome of America. Ah. I don't really know how I am going to deal with it. Being ultra friendly to people, hearing English all around, seeing four thousand obese people... yikes. By the way... NO ONE and I really mean no one is fat here. I have literally not seen one fat Dutch person. They obviously got something right because not only are they thin, they are also incredibly tall and good looking.

Ok, I guess I will attempt to do something productive. Like check on my laundry.

I have also officially decided that tomorrow I will go to IKEA to buy a matching bed spread for the extra bed I'll be gaining. I have nothing else to do with my life... so I might as well.