America, once again... you fail.

I read an article last semester in my Sexuality from Cross Cultural Perspectives class called "Raging Hormones, Regulated Love: Adolescent Sexuality and the Constitution of the modern individual in the United States and the Netherlands." And I have to say, it was one of the most fascinating articles I'd ever, ever read.

Since I would eventually like to work (somehow) in sexual education in America, seeing how other countries deal with teen sexuality (especially when it seems successful) is extremely useful knowledge.

The article was about how teen sexuality is viewed and dealt with in both American and the Netherlands and, not surprisingly, there are many, many differences.

Just to give you a few examples -

"The American parents describe adolescent sexuality as a biologically driven, individually based activity which causes disruption to the teenager as well as to the family. The Dutch parents, by contrast, emphasize the love relationships and social responsibility of teenagers which make their sexuality a 'normal' phenomenon."

"Researchers have argued that the cultural climate and the nature of adult attitudes towards adolescent sexuality affect the likelihood that teenagers will use contraceptives effectively... 'a more permissive attitude leads to more effective contraceptive use.'"

"The dissociation of teenage sexuality from contexts of love and commitment explains why American parents often refer to teenage sexual activity as experimental, promiscuous, immoral or exclusively pleasure-driven. It is not uncommon, in fact, for parents to mention teenage sex in the same breath as drugs, excessive drinking or vandalism."

"The Dutch parents do not regard sex as inherently risky because they expect their children will use contraceptives to protect themselves against unwanted consequences... Asked in their 16-year-old is old enough to drink, parents usually respond 'yes, in moderation', implying that a 16-year-old is capable of self-imposed moderation."

"The Dutch and American parents whom I interviewed construct sexuality on the basis of the cultural building blocks available to them. That one set of parents emphasizes sex's biological properties whereas the other set emphasizes sex's social properties depends, I argue, on the images of human nature which their cultures provide."

So, in summary... American parents generally expect their children to behave inappropriately - they expect that their children will be immature, irresponsible and not aware enough to make responsible decisions concerning sex or other aspects of adolescence such as drug and/or alcohol experimentation. On the other hand, the Dutch parents take part in a much more hands off approach - assuming their children are ready and able to enter into adolescence responsibly. Because, as the author explained, the parents act according to the culture in which they are in... we can also see these techniques replicated in schools.

In America, children are taught the horrors of sex, drugs and alcohol. Every one of those things, without question leads to death, unhappiness or... death. However, in Dutch schools, the approach is a lot different. Children are taught to regard sex as something that if handled appropriately, can be something positive. Same with drugs and alcohol.

So, what you ask, is the outcome of these different parenting/schooling techniques? In my opinion, the outcomes are astonishing. (This is based on a study conducted about 10 years ago.) Per 1000 women, aged 15-19, the teen birth rate in American is 55.6. In the Netherlands, the teen birth rate is 7.7. At the time that this study was done, America was highest on the list, and the Netherlands was lowest. (I think the Netherlands has since dropped to second on the list due to an influx of non-Western immigrants, many of them unwilling to utilize contraceptives.) Still, the results are pretty telling. Additionally, the statistics for alcohol and drug abuse follow extremely similar patterns. I believe the Netherlands has the lowest percentage of drug abuse, even though soft drugs are legal and hard drugs are given to addicts by the government if they can prove they are really, truly addicted. (An effort to try and keep junkies off the street.)

In my opinion, the statistics have a direct correlation to the ways children are treated during their adolescence.

To further prove my point, I want all of you to watch this video about a movie coming out soon called "Oral Sex is the New Goodnight Kiss." It is about how American teens are taking part in more oral sex than ever before and some are even taking part in mild forms of prostitution. For example, some girl explains that she was offered 20 dollars to take her shirt off.


Teens: Oral Sex and Casual Prostitution No Biggie - ABC News


First of all, let me just say... I understand that teen sex and teen pregnancy is a serious problem in the United States. My motivation for writing this blog entry is not to say America sucks, the Netherlands rules (although okay yes, I think that's true)... my point is to show the REASONS for why America has failed so entirely at dealing with sex, especially when it comes to children.

However, watching this little clip infuriated me.

First of all, the description of the movie as "A troubling window into a horrifying reality no parent can imagine," is absurd. Yes, I understand parents are freaked out by incidences of teen sex/oral sex but a horrifying reality no parent can imagine? Your child could be cutting themselves, drinking themselves to death, robbing people, raping someone, you name it... and you are calling a little dick sucking "a horrible reality"? Really? Sure, children feel socially pressured and sure, many of them make decisions they later regret. But defining oral sex so broadly as a horrifying reality just seems a little counterproductive.

Secondly, this comment is completely useless - "A lot of girls are disappointed in love and I think they believe that they can hook up the ways guys do and not care but unfortunately they do care." What?? First of all, a guy paying a girl to take her shirt off is just as misguided as the girl willing to accept the offer. Secondly, this comment is entirely based on wishy washy social crap. Who says girls are generally disappointed in love? And why are we constantly telling them that they can't have casual sex like guys can? That statement isn't true and it's constant repetition is harmful at best. If we tell girls they can't take part in casual sex, or that they will constantly be hurt by men... I would think that girls, unknowing of any other opinions, will pick men that will take advantage of them and hurt their feelings. How are girls supposed to have a positive outlook about love and relationships if all they are ever being told is that men will abuse and take advantage of them? What upsets me most about this comment is that it's sets girls up for receiving the blame. Girls think they can behave like guys, so they do, and then they get hurt. Telling girls to stop going after guys because they are unable to handle the pressures reminds of how women are often blamed for rape. No, I'm sorry... but those things are just not their fault. I think the one thing we must blame in this case is culture. American culture and society places the blame on women and expects them to be unable to handle themselves properly.

Finally, this quote - "You have to parent double time." I think it's pretty obvious how I feel about that. If by parenting double time she meant instilling more trust and hope in children and assuming they are mature enough to handle adolescence, then fine. But I am pretty sure she meant - trust your kids less, blame them for their assumed ineptitude and try your best to find the ways in which they are failing. As I think I've proven, that DOES NOT WORK.

This movie, along with so many other attempts at bringing awareness about teen sexuality to the public, are in my opinion... pointless. Actually, no, not pointless... harmful.

America, how obvious is it that we're failing? Our teenage pregnancy and abortion rates are extraordinarily high, in addition to our teen drug/alcohol abuse rates. Clearly, whatever it is we're doing, it's not working. In fact, I think it's getting worse. But of course, America is a pompous, individualistic nation incapable of searching for answers elsewhere. A quick look at the Netherlands would provide America with a great deal of useful knowledge on how to improve the climate of teenage sexuality. But somehow, I don't think anyones going to do that any time soon.

On with the fear tactics and degradation!!

5 days and counting

So, as you can probably discern from the title... I am leaving Amsterdam in 5 days. It's a strange feeling. Mostly, I am excited to leave and see everyone at home. I'm not as sad about leaving Amsterdam because I know I'll be back. It's strange to know, though that when I do come back, close to no one I know will be here and I'll have to make an entirely new set of friends. But I guess I will deal with that when I have to.

These last 5 days are pretty weird. I have completed all my school work... but I still have two classes left and a bunch of logistical things to do. So when I'm not running around the city renewing my bike contract or signing my residence permit extension... I basically have nothing to do. Most everyone is still working on their papers and I end up sitting in my room feeling anxious and wanting to go home. Plus, my friend Sam already left and people are slowly leaving one by one... it's a strange feeling to still be here when other people are not.

I think I am going to take my friend Alex's extra bed in her room and attach it alongside mine so that I can have a big queen size bed. Not like I need a big bed... but who cares. Why not, right? Maybe it will convince Christian to come visit. Haha.

I think I am also going to buy a tapestry and maybe some Christmas-like lights and go crazy decorating. Just to give me something to do with all this time I'm wasting by sitting around like a lump. I can't decide whether or not I should go to IKEA to buy an extra comforter cover to match the one I already have and put it on my extra comforter... or whether I should just use someone else's that they bought here and having an odd two-toned bed. Ok, it's pathetic that I'm writing about this. Haha. But seriously... maybe I should go to IKEA tomorrow. Hmm.

Oh and I decided, over everything else, why I love the Netherlands so much more than America. America is governed by morality. The Netherlands is governed by practicality. Plain and simple - that's the main (huge) difference. The Netherlands is NOT as liberal as many people think it is. In fact, aside from Amsterdam, most of it ISN'T very liberal. There is a huge bible belt and lots of crazy, conservative Christians. But still, people don't govern with their religion or morality. In fact, that is incredibly looked down upon here. No politician (even from the CDA, the Christian Democratic Appeal whose politics are actually more liberal than much of the American democratic party) would use "God" in a speech or ever use religion as a reason to change a law. The CDA has held the most seats in Dutch parliament for years. They have the word "Christian" in their name and are still considered to be conservative for the Netherlands... but STILL somehow are more liberal than the American Democratic Party. Sure, they will openly say they use the Bible as "inspiration" but that's about as far as they go. Dutch people are shocked to learn that all of our presidents say "God bless America" and publicly announce their faith.


Anyway... to change the subject. At the beginning of the semester we wrote down goals that we hoped to accomplish by the time we leave. In fearing that I would be absolutely miserable here and want to go home, one of my goals was "Not wanting to go home at the end of the semester." Well... haha, I guess I accomplished that cause I'm staying the entire year. Who woulda known.

As excited as I am to go home for the holidays... I'm a bit nervous about returning to the US in general. Reverse culture shock = not fun. I think that's why I originally decided all I wanted to do was stay inside all month. Haha. But now I know I am going to have to go back to work at the Cheesecake factory, which means I have to constantly go to the Palisades mall, which to me, is the epitome of America. Ah. I don't really know how I am going to deal with it. Being ultra friendly to people, hearing English all around, seeing four thousand obese people... yikes. By the way... NO ONE and I really mean no one is fat here. I have literally not seen one fat Dutch person. They obviously got something right because not only are they thin, they are also incredibly tall and good looking.

Ok, I guess I will attempt to do something productive. Like check on my laundry.

I have also officially decided that tomorrow I will go to IKEA to buy a matching bed spread for the extra bed I'll be gaining. I have nothing else to do with my life... so I might as well.

Wow.

First of all, let me just say... I am so proud to have voted for the first black president of the United States.

I have started and re-started this entry about 4 times and still have no idea where to begin... so I'll just start writing. Sorry if I sound incoherent.

For half of my entire life, and the whole of my young adult life, we have had a president that I was utterly ashamed and embarrassed of. Because of that, I have really never in my life been able to express any type of patriotism for my country. In all fairness, not only was I unpatriotic, I hated America. I know hate is a very strong word... but I really do believe that it's fitting. When I was 12, and living in Paris, Bush was elected for the first time. I was devastated. I was nearing the age when I began to have an interest in politics and what was going on around me and I felt completely bewildered as to why anyone would want that man to run our country. He stood for so much that directly conflicted with so many of my beliefs and as time went by... I just became more and more ashamed.

America has always been a source of shame for me... especially during the times I've lived in Europe. It is a very, very strange feeling to be in Europe right now and not feel like I have to hide where I'm from. I still don't think America is the greatest country on earth... far from it, but there's no doubt in my mind that we're on the right path. And that's saying a lot because I really don't think Obama's political standings are all that "different" from previous democratic candidates but what I dobelieve is that Obama's character is different than any candidate I've seen in a long, long time. I really think that the way he has handled his campaign thus far and the honesty and genuineness he exhibits can really be key in making the difference we need to make in America.

I am honored to have been a part of this election. Although I know it would have been great to be in America to witness Obama's victory... it was an absolutely amazing experience to be in Amsterdam. I stayed up until 7am watching CNN on a huge screen in the company of people from all over the world screaming and cheering for Obama. It was so, so moving.

Here's proof -


In other news... Micah comes tomorrow! I am so excited to see him and show him around this wonderful city. I think it's going to be pretty rainy this weekend, which sucks, but we'll just have to make do.

Oh, and yesterday I signed my lease and program extension forms and am officially returning to Amsterdam for the spring semester.

I'd also like to thank Christian for being a really amazing person and saying some really sweet things to me today. He wins the boyfriend of the week award, for sure.