Oh, spring.

I cannot believe that year after year, I keep forgetting how happy spring makes me feel. I am motivated to do more (ie take adventures exploring new places in amsterdam), eat better, relax more and stress out less... it feels great.

Realizing that has made me seriously consider moving permanently to a area that's warm all of the time. I mean, I like the cold weather for two reasons - 1. The snow. I think snow is beautiful... but unfortunately, I don't live in a place where it snows all the time. 2. I like that it's cold and snowy for Christmas season... but after a week of the snow and the cold it just stops being enjoyable. So really, wherever I live I can always go somewhere cold for the holidays... I don't have to live in that weather for half of the year. So where would I want to live? I'd want to pick somewhere that doesn't get too hot and doesn't get too cold. Two words: San Francisco. Done and done.

In other news, I finished a terrific book today, Inside Greek U., by Alan D. DeSantis.



I read it as research for my paper that's going to be about masculinity (and gender) in elite sororities and fraternities in America. Reading it actually made me realize I wanted to change the approach to my paper a bit because I think the point I was going to prove has already been proven, by more than one person... so I feel like I need to include at least something I "discovered" on my own. We'll see.


Oh, and I would like to include this little video I stumbled upon today that seriously annoyed me... not just because of the ridiculous woman arguing against gay marriage because it will "affect and harm everyone", but also because I don't see how educated adults still think it's practical to speak on top of one another and expect any of their points to be heard and/or understood.



First of all, Joe Solmonese is a great guy and I know he has a somewhat "political" (in the sense that he must act and answer a certain way to avoid scrutiny from the (at times, very wealthy) supporters of his organization)... but his answers and debate points sucked.

If adoption agencies refuse to let gay couples adopt from their organization and churches refuse to marry a gay couples... then I'm sorry, but if you want to be supported by the government then your "institution", whatever it may be, must coincide with the legal advances of the time. Respect for religion is completely unrelated and in fact, whether it be religion or anything else for that matter... if it leads to discrimination or reinforces a tradition of that discrimination, then it should not be an entity supported by the national Government. What if a school just said hey, sorry, we don't accept black children because our religion says it's a sin to be black and we want to run this school on the basis of our religion... then I'm sorry, but that school would not be given financial or any other kind of assistance from the government, nor should it. (Unfortunately, the government still supports institutions that I consider to be discriminatory and outdated but supporting gay marriage is, I believe, an important step needed not only in the fight for equality but also may start to be the beginning of a more world-wide awareness about the severe negative aspects surrounding religion - specifically orthodox and/or fundamental sects.)

That lady is right - gay marriage will affect everyone. Just like emancipating the slaves affected everyone, or when women were given the right to vote; when couples of mixed race were given the right to marry... etc, etc. It WILL affect everyone and it damn well should.

Big decisions

I have decided to put my livejournal (which I have had since I was 13, and rarely update) to rest and begin anew with this blog.

I have been in Amsterdam now for a little over two months. I immediately fell in love with the city and have grown to love it more and more each day. (Even with the current weather - rain, rain, rain with some freezing cold thrown in there.) I have never before felt so enriched and challenged by an environment or city. Everything about Amsterdam and its culture inspires me and I have learned a great deal about myself, my values and my goals since I've been here.

Because of all of those things, I, as of yesterday, decided that I want to return to Amsterdam for the Spring semester. To be honest, I have wanted to stay ever since I heard it was a possibility but never really admitted it to myself, until yesterday. For the past 24 hours I have been dealing with everything involved with my decision to extend... emotions, logistics, etc and I feel extremely drained, both mentally and physically.

I know in my heart that this is what I need to do. I know that in one and a half months time, I will not be ready to leave for good. And I know that if I do not return, I would feel an immense amount of regret and resent. Of course, my decision to stay has been anything but easy. I feel a lot of guilt toward the fact that I will not be as present as I'd hoped for the band and of course the majority of the guilt/sadness I feel is the fact that I will be away from Christian for more time than originally planned. Although I have been having a terrific experience, it's very hard not to be able to share that experience with him. I know he would love it here too. And I hope that eventually, he will realize that this experience is what's best for me right now and that in the end, it will be what is best for our relationship. However, I am aware that my decision to stay has broken multiple commitments I made previously... and I feel quite awful about that.

But being here has made me realize that you really never know what to expect and that things can change so immediately and so drastically without any warning. (I made my decision to stay in Amsterdam while eating at my favorite soup place, realizing that I did not want the day to come when I would have to have my last cup of soup. That was only the beginning of my reasoning, of course...) As much as I wish I could keep the commitments I made before I left, I feel very passionately about staying here and know that I will be a better person because of it. I am human and humans make mistakes. I made the mistake of underestimating how influential this experience would be on my life, but I cannot suffer and blame myself for that mistake. I have to move forward and continue on the path that I really, truly believe is the best path for me and I hope that soon, everyone will be able to accept that in their own way.

I will still be returning to Nyack for over a month during winter break. (December 18th - January 28th) I am very, very excited to go home for that time. I can't wait to write music, read some books I've been dying to read but haven't had the time, drink chai lattes in starbucks red christmas cups, eat temptations cupcakes (with dana!!) and just be around the people that I love during the holidays. That's all I want for the time I'm home... to spend as much time as possible with the people that I care about. I don't doubt that it will be hard to leave again after that time... but I am very, very confident in my decision.

In the Spring, I plan to take the Dutch course that I didn't take this semester. I also want to join the gym and spend a lot more time outdoors which will be much more possible when tulip season rolls around. The only sad part about staying is that most of my friends from this semester won't be returning for the Spring... but I guess I'll just have to make new ones. (Although my old friends BETTER come visit.)

Alright, well I suppose I'll go make dinner for myself and get ready for museumnacht. (www.n8.nl)

Oh, by the way... I am also getting a tattoo. (My first one.) I'm a tad nervous but mostly very excited for it. I'll provide more details in the near future.

Hope everyone is doing well.

And much love from Amsterdam!